Season 3, Week 4

In what is becoming an annual event, The ELL gets a little help from Parade magazine's list of "The World's 10 Worst Dictators" for Week 4, because everyone knows that the worst dictators make the best evil leaders. Let's see the results of this week:

al-Bashir vs Chavez
The rematch of last season's title series comes at an inopportune time for Hugo Chavez of Venezuela. Sudan's President Omar al-Bashir, who I am convinced looks like Sports Writer Michael Wilbon's long-lost father, was rated #2 by Parade Magazine, down 1 from last year. Mr. Bashir didn't exactly lessen his evilness, so no word on why exactly he went down in the rankings. I guess genocide just doesn't hold the same weight that it used to. Hugo Chavez didn't make the list once again. Technically, Venezuela is still a democracy, which apparently disqualifies someone from being a dictator. Saggy man boobs disqualifies someone from being a valuable member of society. Sorry Hugo, you're 0 for 2.
winner: al-Bashir

Hu vs Mugabe
Hu Jintao runs a little country that you may have heard of. It's called China. Hu was ranked as the 5th worst dictator. Does that mean he's bad at being a dictator or good at it? It's not clear. Anyway, some of the reasons for Hu's high ranking include forced abortions, control of all media, and harsh limits on the practice of religion. Having been in China, I was never forced to have an abortion, it was easy to get around internet controls, and I visited several Buddhist temples and prayed in them! Not saying those things don't happen, just not to me. Also, Parade Magazine says that 99% of all trials end in guilty verdicts. They attribute a lack of criminal justice as the reason. I say, why can't it be a shockingly accurate police force?!

Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe was rated 7th last year. If he can beat Hu's 5th, he'll grab a much needed evil win. 8000% inflation helps his cause. Mugabe is running for another term as president and has run a very optimistic campaign. In terms of employment, Mugabe sees the glass as 20% full instead of 80% empty. As far as people staying in Zimbabwe, he sees the glass as 75% full, instead of 25% gone away. Beating up opposition leaders, you'd think would help his cause (he doesn't actually beat them up, he has other people do that, he's 83 years old). Mugabe only got a #6 ranking.
winner: Hu

Putin vs Kim
Russia's leader Vladimir Putin, at least for now, didn't make the list, again because of that pesky thing called democracy. Putin is a strong man and it will be interesting to see how much power he gives up when his term runs out. Kim Jong -Il of North Korea jumped up to the #1 spot on Parade's rankings. Allegedly the detainment of 200,000 people in labor camps played a part. Somewhere in Hell, Hitler is laughing at Kim's pathetic attempt at evil. Lucky for Kim, Hitler is dead (let me tell you, Kim's not the only one who's lucky at that) and not in the league. But the round-bellied, platform shoe-wearing, dictator is looking good thus far this season.
winner: Kim

Ahmadinejad vs Musharraf
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, did not make Parade's list. If you are a moron or a neo-conservative (sorry for the redundancy), that might be a huge shock to you. Well, Ayatollah Khamenei is the top authority in the Persian wonderland. Even then, Khamenei only made 7th on the list. He's way down because Iran doesn't have their precious nuclear program that they were always bragging about. We've all known a guy like that in high school. You kind of pity them. Pervez Musharraf, the president of Pakistan, made the list in 8th place. He jumped all the way up from 15th last year. He's also finally made the ELL. In the words of Frank Sinatra, "It's been a very good year." Unless you oppose Musharraf, like Benazir Bhutto for example.
winner: Musharraf

standings:
Mushar 3-1
al-Bash 3-1
Kim J-I 3-1
Ahmad 2-2
Chavez 2-2
Mugabe 1-3
Putin 1-3
Hu Jin 1-3