Season 6, Week 2

These evil leaders are reminiscent of the Phantom of the Opera. Maybe they wouldn't be so mean if they weren't so ugly. Not Ahmadinejad, however. Short, bearded men are sexy. Let's get to the results.

Chavez vs Ahmadinejad
Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has participated in actions that range from thoughtful opposition to America's imperial reign to egomaniacal authoritarianism. Of late, other evil leaders have stepped up their games as ELL action heats up. Meanwhile, Chavez has lagged behind. Recalling your ambassador? Please. That's cute. Where are your bombs, indiscriminate crackdowns, or genocides? Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was the lynchpin for a possible revolution in his country. That's how despised his one term in office was. Step up your game, Chavez.
winner: Ahmadinejad

Kim vs al-Bashir
North Korea's Kim Jong-Il might be close to transferring power over to his youngest son in a bid to continue his family's dynastic rule. In the meantime, Kim continues to threaten various places with his bombs, even Hawaii. Come on Kim, that's so Japanese, do you really want to follow in the footsteps of those sushi-eaters? Plus, it didn't end well for them. Omar al-Bashir, the man overseeing the Sudanese government, was indicted over the genocide in Darfur. However, he does have his supporters. The AU has called for the indictment to be suspended. Omar al-Bashir had a good laugh about the whole thing with his buddy Robert Mugabe. While the world shouldn't be afraid of Kim's threats, at least they've had to pay attention.
winner: Kim

al-Assad vs Shwe
Bashar al-Assad, the head of Syria, is sitting pretty and it has nothing to do with the brush of dirt he calls a mustache. The U.S. has sent an ambassador to Syria for the first time in four years and claims the Arab country has a role to play in the Middle East peace process. There's a role for funding suicide bombings in a peace process? I guess Jeff Goldblum got a role on Law and Order, so anything's possible. Buying a corvette is a sure sign of insecurity over a small penis, but so is leading a military junta that runs Myanmar aka Burma. Just ask Than Shwe. The trial of democracy advocate Aung San Suu Kyi has strained relations with the rest of Asia. Why even have a trial? Shwe should have just kept Suu Kyi detained indefinitely like originally planned. No one would be pissed then. Lesson 5 of Evil Leading 101 is: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
winner: Shwe

Obiang vs Aliyev
Teodoro Obiang heads up a little country called Equatorial Guinea. Maybe you've heard of it. No? You think I just made it up right now? No, seriously, it really is a country- headed by a tyrannical kleptocrat. Obiang's son has a mansion in Malibu. His neighbors include Mel Gibson and Britney Spears. How could he afford it? Hey, being the Minister of Agriculture and Forestry doesn't hurt. Neither does being the son of a guy who steals like Michael Jackson molested children.

Ilham Aliyev, the president of Azerbaijan, has threatened war with Armenia. He has been quoted saying that the Armenians stole the region of Nagorno-Karabakh and the military will get it back, even though the women of that region are very ugly now that they're technically Armenians. This assertion took place in a game of the Dozens, also known as the State of the Union Address in Azerbaijan.
winner: Obiang

standings:
Kim J-I 2-0
Obiang 2-0
al-Bash 1-1
al-Assa 1-1
T Shwe 1-1
Ahmad 1-1
Aliyev 0-2
Chavez 0-2