Season 3, Semis 1st Leg

The Evil Leaders League has rolled into the playoffs, but not before we take care of some business at hand. Business such as: who are the participants? Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il tied for 4th place with 4-3 records. The winner goes into the playoffs to face two time defending champion Omar al-Bashir, while the loser will have to wait until next season.

Chavez vs Kim
Venezuela's Hugo Chavez has done well in this league by spouting his anti-American rhetoric and attempting to consolidate his power. But he still leads a democratic country. There have been critics of his policies and in some cases, Chavez has had to change his plans. Meanwhile, in North Korea Kim Jong-Il is the ultimate authority. Not even the military can stop him. And they have guns! If someone criticizes Kim's regime, the critic- in an ironic twist of fate- is fed to the dogs. The dogs appreciate the role reversal.
winner: Kim

Now on to the playoffs. The semifinals will consist of two legs, best aggregate score wins. Enjoy.

Musharraf vs Ahmadinejad
Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has ties to the Taliban like Russian hookers have ties to Bob Balaban (the latter is unsubstantiated). Musharraf oversees a new opposition-led parliament. The new prime minister Yousuf Raza Gillani (Rudy Giuliani's more-successful long lost cousin) has reinstated judges that Musharraf suspended because they charged him with violating the constitution. Wait a second. A president who has provided aid to the Taliban, has dissention with the legislative branch, and has violated the constitution... that can't be evil, that sounds like America! Well done, Musharraf.

Republican presidential hopeful John McCain backs Musharraf, but he doesn't much like Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. McCain has accused Iran of training al Qaeda. Iran is mainly Shi'a while al Qaeda is Sunni. While those divisions do not innately mean conflict, that is the current reality. McCain was quickly reminded by supporters Lindsay Graham and Joe Lieberman that Iran hasn't trained al Qaeda. However, Pakistan has. Yet Musharraf comes out looking like Barney Fife while Ahmadinejad is the reincarnation of Hitler.
winner: Ahmadinejad by 45

Kim vs al-Bashir
North Korea's Kim Jong-Il may have used up all of his evilness getting to the playoffs. Don't underestimate evil fatigue. Kim has had to cancel his country's annual Spring festival because of a lack of cash. Being broke isn't evil, but sometimes it leads to evil acts, so we'll have to stay tuned. Omar al-Bashir leads Sudan. The Beijing Olympics are under seize by liberals over the issue of genocide in Darfur. Huh? Filling in the blank, China has strong economic ties with Sudan. One wonders if the U.S. is pissed about China's relationship with Sudan because the Chinese usurped America's imperialist hopes. This whole talk marginalizes the role of Omar al-Bashir and makes him look like a pawn. Pawns are not evil, but those damn rooks are. Fuck you Gary Kasparov and your chess prowess. Anyway...
winner: al-Bashir by 4