Season 1 Review

Today is Good Friday and Passover. Since I'm observing both this year, I can't eat meat or bread today and I can only have one meal. All I had was 5 matzo balls (good, but not filling) in vegetable broth (bad). I had to teach some stupid ass kid who lies constantly and then gets upset when I don't treat him with respect. Why don't you fucking do what I tell you, you little puke. Everybody on the road drove like a moron today. I was out in the 80 degree weather for a few hours on Tuesday and in the 30 degree weather last night for a few hours. My face feels like sandpaper. I'm in a bit of a bad mood. I know what it takes to be an evil leader now.

The Champion - Omar al-Bashir 5-2 (2-0)
The genocide in Darfur was really the catalyst for Sudanese president Omar al-Bashir to take home the ELL crown these year (although his proficient dart throwing didn't hurt). He did a good job of making sure the international community can't stop the mass murder. He also picked the right victim, black Africans are the most detested, despised, and degraded people in the world. The world, as a whole, doesn't care about them and racism thrives all across this planet. The only mistake al-Bashir made was targeting Christians. They run the world and presumably will save their own.

Check out the best out-of-context lines from this season in the Highlights section.

The Challengers
Kim Jong-Il 5-2 (1-1) - North Korea's least favorite son is a bit eccentric, but politically shrewd. He enjoys American Idol, the show Friends, and starving his people- maybe not in that order.
Hugo Chavez 5-2 (0-1) - He had an unexpectedly good year. He's trying his best to erode democracy in Venezuela, which conveniently is the country that he leads. He has also tried to implement his ideology, whether it benefits his country or not.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 5-2 (0-1) - He has lost favor a bit in his home country of Iran, but remains one of the most reviled men in Europe and the US. As long as he's hated (by the "right" people), he'll have a place in these league.
Alexander Lukashenko 4-3 - Belarus' president didn't make the playoffs this year. He had a decent year, stole an election, lost gas negotiations with Russia but somehow came out looking like the good guy, and there's even talk that he might be the next president of Russia.

The Relegated
Robert Mugabe 3-4 - This is a tragic story. The president of Zimbabwe once represented optimism and pan-Africanism. Then he maintained power at all costs, while his subjects suffered. Now for the tragic part: The climate in Zimbabwe dropped so dramatically the people became desperate and clamored for democracy. It wasn't until Mugabe was relegated that he fought back, beating and jailing his opponents. It was too little too late and Mugabe will watch next season's ELL from the sidelines.
Fidel Castro 1-6 - To be honest, the former Cuban leader never had a chance. He had a mysterious disease and handed over power to his brother. There is talk of him coming back, but it won't be in the ELL next season.
Saddam Hussein 0-7 - He was dead all season. I doubt we'll see him again.

Some Facts and Figures:
Uses of the word during the first ELL season -
some variation of "fuck" 5 times; some variation of "ass" 5 times; some variation of "shit" 7 times; "evil" 46 times; "baby" twice; "blowjob" once.
5 people will return for next season.
4 people finished in a tie for first.
4 references to Castro's artificial anus.
3 people won't be back for next season.
1 not-so-hidden message to a friend.
1 mention of Bill O'Reilly, Aerosmith, and Michael Wilbon.

Join us next season for more Evil Leaders League action.