Teodoro Obiang

Teodoro Obiang Nguema has ruled Equatorial Guinea (that's the one on the equator) since 1979. He took over after ousting his uncle from power, saying that his uncle was the "son of lucifer," which I believe makes Obiang the grandson of lucifer. But who's counting. Obiang now uses his country's oil profits to sustain his billion dollar habit of stealing billions of dollars. Before you judge him, keep in mind it's healthier than smoking. For a man of Obiang's advanced age, any activity should be praised.

Overall record: 6-8
Season 6: 3-4
Season 7: 3-4

Playoff record: 0-0
Season 6: ---
Season 7: ---
Overall record against each opponent

Fun fact: The citizens of Teodoro Obiang's nation are starving and will sometimes do anything for food. So, to show solidarity with his poor constituency, he eats them. He's like a human-eating version of Gandhi.