Hamid Karzai

Hamid Karzai has ruled Afghanistan since 2001. He's been wearing those hats for much longer. The one-time darling of the West recently stole his first election. He's prone to sobbing in public because Snooki won't answer his letters. He also has threatened to"switch sides" if he doesn't get more space from the U.S. Claiming that you will quit the presidency and join the Taliban unless the U.S. gets off your ass about the astronomical levels of corruption in you near decade-long administration was good enough for second place in Karzai's first ELL season.

Overall record: 5-2
Season 7: 5-2

Playoff record: 1-1
Season 7: 1-1
Overall record against each opponent

Fun fact: Most Afghans don't hate Hamid Karzai because he is a corrupt incompetent douchebag. They hate him because his nickname is Ham.