Season 4, Week 4

This week's evil action goes out to terrible Jewish parody rapper turned terrible Christian rapper, 50 Shekel. May your anal herpes flare up at an inopportune moment. Let's get the results for Week 4.

Ahmadinejad vs Kim
Iran's hairy little president goes by the name of Mahmoud P. Ahmadinejad. The P stands for pimp. Ahmadinejad has further attempted to ruffle the feathers of the U.S. by claiming that Iran possesses 6,000 centrifuges. He also claims that he has 6 pairs of Lindsey Lohan's unwashed panties, 14 of Hitler’s mustache combs, and a Gaylord Perry rookie card, so take it for what it's worth. He has vowed to never give in the demands of the U.S. and the Europeans... unless, you know, they ask nicely. North Korea's leader Kim Jong-Il might show up at the Beijing Olympics. He likes the rhythmic gymnastics and the ballroom dancing. His appearance just might end the Olympics as we know it. If only rhythmic gymnastics and ballroom dancing weren't Olympic sports, we could have avoided this potential catastrophe.
winner: Kim

Shwe vs. Musharraf
In Myanmar, when you're the leader of a military junta, you're also the leader of the country. The same is true in Burma. Than Shwe fits the bill in both. Shwe would help his ravaged country in the aftermath of a devastating cyclone, but he just enjoys watching people suffer so damn much. He has the shower scene in Schindler's List on a perpetual loop. When he's not watching that, or Hotel Rwanda, he loves Nancy Grace's show. Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf is Joe Frazier to parliament's Muhammad Ali. Musharraf keeps pounding away at the government body, while parliament is attacking the head. Musharraf might sack the government and might, in turn, find his headless body in a sack. For right now, Musharraf is floating like a wounded butterfly and clinging (to power) like a (queen) bee.
winner: Shwe

Chavez vs al-Bashir
Hugo Chavez runs things in Venezuela. Oh, he's plenty evil, but he's been a little ineffective lately. He won't get his precious proxy war with the U.S. via Colombia just yet. He's seen his coalition break apart just before upcoming elections. While Chavez might have scored the proverbial own goal this week, he probably won't meet the same fate as the 1994 Colombian World Cup team's former defender, Andres Escobar... yet. Sudan's leader, Omar al-Bashir rejects the International Criminal Court's indictment of him for the crime of genocide. If only Adolph Eichman had thought of that, he might still be relaxing on the coast of Argentina with the rest of his buddies from the "good ole days."
winner: al-Bashir

Nazarbayev vs Calderon
Kazakhstan's president is Nursultan Nazarbayev. Nur means "born to;" sultan means "rule;" Nazar means "in an autocratic;" baye means "manner;" and v means "and drinks his own pee." His former royal residence is being demolished next week. Maybe that's why Sacha Baron Cohen received a curious official request to visit the building next week. Hmm. The president of Mexico is Felipe Calderon. Most Mexicans believe the government is losing the war against the drug mafia. Of course, it's all part of Calderon's plan to invade the U.S. with immigrants and eventually take over OUR country. I believe he’s also responsible for Antonio Margarito's shocking victory over Miguel Cotto. I'm not sure how that plays into his overall plan, but I'll think of something.
winner: Nazarbayev

standings:
al-Bash 4-0
T Shwe 4-0
Nazarba 2-2
Kim J-I 2-2
Chavez 2-2
Ahmad 1-3
Mushar 1-3
Caldero 0-4