Season 4, ELL Finals Game 1

As always, the ELL Finals is a best out of three affair (first competitor to reach two victories grabs the title) with a quick turn-around. Than Shwe, the Burmese leader of Myanmar, is in his first season while Sudan's Omar al-Bashir is gunning for his third ELL championship in his fourth playoff appearance. This is the best matchup the ELL Finals has ever seen as the two participants went a combined 13-1 during the regular season.

al-Bashir vs Shwe
Omar al-Bashir has no idea how many houses he owns, but he knows exactly how many genocides he's perpetrated. One; against the people of Darfur. For those concerned that the genocide might be losing steam, al-Bashir assures you, "The fundamentals of the genocide are strong." When questioned about his statement in wake of his ICC indictment on that very charge, al-Bashir clarified to say that he meant the people carrying out the genocide, the Janjaweed militia, are strong. Particularly because they have guns and all the Darfuri civilians have is malnutrition.

Than Shwe would love to perpetrate a genocide as Burma's Buddhist monks have learned the hard way. But a vicious cyclone wiped out much of the population over the summer, which has made it hard to commit one. Shwe has decided to put on a mock election, just to stick it to the country's democracy-hugging, arugula-eating elitists. He's labeled the first primary, Cyclone Tuesday. His platform will consist of two major points. On the domestic front, his administration has reduced crime, by allowing thousands of people to die in the aftermath of the cyclone because Shwe wouldn't allow aid agencies to enter the country. People tend to like safer streets. Touting his foreign policy credentials, he claims that Burma is near Russia. Then, Shwe went ahead with the election and won with 100% of the vote. The vote total was 1 for Than Shwe, 0 for everyone else in the country.
winner: Shwe
series: Shwe 1-0