Season 4, Semis 1st Leg

We've finally reached the playoffs. That pause for the Olympics was obnoxious, wasn't it? Here is the point where the heavy hitters of evilness are ready to do battle for the most malevolent title in the land, the ELL championship. Now up is the semifinals, which will consist of two legs, best aggregate score wins. Let's get the results.

Chavez vs Shwe
Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela, is an evil guy in his own right. Opposition parties consider the state media coverage unfair. Shockingly, they believe that the state media favors the people in charge of the state. But the media isn't the only entity Chavez has nationalized in an attempt to create his Socialist paradise. He's nationalized the fuel industry, the pornography industry, puppies, head lice, your grandmother, Wednesdays, foot odor, and genital warts but not anal warts because Mitt Romney has a pretty good hold on that industry.

Than Shwe is the military ruler of Myanmar and Burma. In Myanmar, Shwe jails and kills dissenters. Aung San Suu Kyi is one of those jailed dissenters. Shwe denies that Suu Kyi is on a hunger strike protesting the lack of freedom in the country. Shwe asked the question, "Is it a hunger strike if we don't feed her? Of course not. There is no indication that she is performing a hunger strike." In Burma, Shwe refuses to allow aid agencies to work unfettered to help its struggling citizenry. Chavez might be an evil guy, but Shwe is evil enough for two countries. Two is better than one.
winner: Shwe by 11

Kim vs al-Bashir
Kim Jong-Il is the reclusive leader of North Korea. If he hasn't been dead for the last five years, as a Japanese professor reported, then he at least might be on his way. He collapsed last month according to Chinese sources. The cause of the collapse is believed to be related to the episode of Friends where Ross cheats on Rachel and then justifies it by claiming that they were on a break. When Kim awoke, he was comforted by the fact that his subjects are still impoverished, often dying of starvation, and that Ross and Rachel would eventually get back together.

Omar al-Bashir reigns over Sudan. It seems love is in the air for al-Bashir. I always hear women say there are no good men anymore; well ladies, I present Omar al-Bashir. He's very successful, running his own country since the late 1980s. He's ambitious, refusing to stop massacring the people of Darfur until someone forcibly stops him. But he's not all about work either, girls. He's quite a dancer and is an excellent dart thrower. But his passion is hunting (black Africans). So stop falling for the wrong guy- men who will "treat you with respect"- and give Omar a call.
winner: al-Bashir by 10