Season 1, Week 3

Results from Week 3 of the ELL:

Chavez vs Mugabe
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez keeps right on rolling. Chavez has something that the New York Times calls "Chavismo," which is better than Lou Gerhig's Disease, or so the article hints. Chavez has nationalized numerous industries and has declared rule by decree for the next 18 months. This is the stuff of Evil Leaders League legend. I can hear the debates already: Is Chavez a better evil leader than Peyton Manning is at quarterback?

Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe hasn't been as lucky. His country's economy has experienced a steady slight decline for a while, but things have gotten drastically worse recently. Everyone in the medical profession is on strike and the lower-level police officers are contemplating rioting. Hyper-inflation has led to poverty for most of the country's residents and in a very short time. What is worse for Mugabe is that his party is blaming HIM! Many in his party are against his plan to extend his rule by 2 years. His party disagrees with him and is calling for elections soon; this is disastrous for an evil leader. Sounds like Zimbabwe may be on the road to... (gulp) DEMOCRACY?!
winner: Chavez

Kim vs al-Bashir
Kim Jong-Il of North Korea says that the three biggest fools of the 21st century are computer illiterates, smokers, and people who are tone-deaf. One of his sons is fat and lives in Macau. Omar al-Bashir of Sudan is trying to prevent United Nations peacekeepers from entering Darfur, the location of genocide. He will probably fail. Also, they gave the chair of the African Union to the leader of Ghana John Kufuor, instead of al-Bashir as he had hoped. Kim's benign (though insensitive) eccentricity leads him to victory in this one.
winner: Kim

Ahmadinejad vs Castro
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hasn't done too much lately, but conservatives in America are scared shitless at what he might do. They tremble at the very mention of his name. Or at least tremble at the very attempt to pronounce his name. And he has an upcoming announcement scheduled for February 11th. Castro still has an artificial anus. In other Fidel Castro news, Miami, Florida could erupt in celebration when he dies. Also, the anti-Castro televisions station TV Marti is beaming to Cuba. Not being in power, Castro suffers defeat here.
winner: Ahmadinejad

Lukashenko vs Hussein
The president of Belarus, Alexander Lukashenko, claims that his opposition makes money from Westerners by opposing him. Calling political opponents corrupt, good idea. But his country stands to take a $5 billion hit because Russia increased its oil prices to the eastern European country. Lukashenko is trying to balance his anger and the potential trouble this may cause with his need for Russia as an ally. But he wins easily because Saddam Hussein is still dead.
winner: Lukashenko

standings:
Chavez 3-0
Kim J-I 3-0
Lukash. 3-0
Ahmad. 2-1
al-Bash. 1-2
Mugabe 0-3
Castro 0-3
Hussein 0-3