Season 3, ELL Finals Game 1

We've reached the ELL Finals. It will be a best of 3 series (first one to 2 wins), with a short turn-around in between contests. Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad- making his first ELL Finals in his second playoff appearance- defeated North Korea's Kim Jong-Il- who is in his second championship series is his third playoff showing- in the regular season.

Ahmadinejad vs Kim
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently visited the Natanz nuclear site on the National Day of Nuclear Technology. In reality, the "Natanz nuclear site" is actually a strip mall containing a Winn Dixie and a Hobby Lobby. In Iran, the "National Day of Nuclear Technology" is a holiday only slightly less important than Passover. So that visit is about as threatening as a Ryan Seacrest left hook. But Ahmadinejad has called for OPEC to stop trading in U.S. dollars. If that call is answered, we may actually have World War III. Saddam Hussein messed with the United States' oil money and his evil stock nearly reached a Hitler-like level. The dreams of an evil championship for the relatively powerless president of Iran could be enhanced immensely if his demand is taken seriously.

Tensions are mounting on the Korean peninsula. Kim Jong-Il has visited military facilities, asked his southern neighbor to honor the peace summit of 2000, and has reached a nuclear impasse with the United States. Kim hasn't disarmed his nuclear program in the timely fashion that the U.S. requested. It's ironic because Kim dis-arms his critics with great frequency. Then he beats them with their own dismembered limbs. It's not an effective torture method because these people are usually so emaciated that their arms aren't much of a weapon. Torture and actually possessing nuclear weapons is plenty evil, but doesn't compare to questioning America's oil profits.
winner: Ahmadinejad