Season 1, Week 6

The first season of the ELL is winding down, I think. Here are the results from Week 6:

Kim vs Chavez
A battle of the evil titans. A South Korean spy named Choi San-Bak (oops, maybe I shouldn't have revealed his name) claims that Kim Jong-Il has a strong grip on power in North Korea. There are no rifts in the ruling party (take notes Mugabe, you could learn a thing from Kim).

It was a great week for Kim. Several Russian non-governmental organizations elected him an honorary member of the International Academy of the Social Sciences. He was given the award for “outstanding services in establishing cordial relations between the two countries, patronage of literature and arts as well as for support of charity initiatives.” Also, Kim was awarded the fund’s order in 2005 “For outstanding contribution to the cause of revival and prosperity of the world,” which is not at all ironic, considering North Korea's prosperous situation. Kim was also given Aerosmith's 2007 "Dude Looks Like A Lady" Award last Tuesday.

Hugo Chavez claims that George Bush's trip to Latin America is designed to isolate Venezuela from it's neighbors and cause dissension in the region. What an ego trip! Chavez also claims that private property in his country is not in jeopardy, which is not evil, but not not evil. All in all, a decent performance from Chavez, but Kim came to play, or I guess- evil lead- this week.
winner: Kim

Hussein vs Castro
Saddam Hussein is still dead. Cuba has thrown out a couple of foreign reporters prompting the US to describe the island nation as a police state. But Fidel Castro ain't in power, so that has no bearing on his matchup. Castro wins however, because being alive is better than being dead... as long as you're not one of these evil leaders' subjects.
winner: Castro

Lukashenko vs Ahmadinejad
The Belarusian president, Alexander Lukashenko, has powerful friends and enemies in Russia. In a speech this past week he praised Boris Yeltsin and "early" Vladimir Putin, while deriding "late" Putin. I've got bad news for Lukashenko, "late" Putin is the only one in power right now. Way to piss off the one dude you needed to keep you in power dumbass.

Don't worry, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will make sure than Iran's nuclear program will continue! In an adept move, Iran's president said, "The Iranian nation does not have any feeling of hatred and opposition towards the American people," adding that, "due to the repeated mistakes made by the American leadership, the image of the United States is becoming tarnished in the region." Very shrewd. He finished by saying," And did anyone see Britney Spears this week? Why did she shave her head? I think she might be a bit unstable."
winner: Ahmadinejad

Mugabe vs al-Bashir
Happy Birthday Robert Mugabe! The evil leader turned 83 on Wednesday and had cake and everything, while the people of Zimbabwe could not find bread in their grocery stores thanks to Mugabe's price controls which were aimed at quelling the country's enormous inflation rate (that wasn't a fat joke, my pledge for Lent is safe). That's very evil. Except it might lead to his ousting as president. Sudan's Omar al-Bashir signed a peace deal with Chad (the country, not his secret lover) to keep the violence in Darfur from spilling across the border. Looks like a clear win for Mugabe- celebration in the face of poverty vs signing a peace deal- but wait. Omar al-Bashir signed the deal so that what happens in Sudan stays in Sudan! And will keep happening in Sudan! And what is happening is genocide. Evil checkmate.
winner: al-Bashir

standings:
Kim J-I 5-1
Ahmad 5-1
Chavez 4-2
al-Bash 4-2
Lukash 3-3
Mugabe 2-4
Castro 1-5
Hussein 0-6